No more denial, time to get to work

[MRay]

I dropped the kids off with STBXW last night, and she asked me to watch the kids next Friday even though it's one of her days. We are very amicable and flexible with our child care situation, so it's not out of the ordinary, but she just looked so ashamed when doing it this time. This is her go to look whenever OM is somehow involved. I'm always excited to have my kids, so I agreed. She kept apologizing and trying to find someway to make it up to me, but I just waved her off and said I'm happy to have the kids and she should have a good time.

Later I started thinking and thought she could just as easily go Saturday. Why can't she go Saturday? It's OM's birthday. They still haven't told anybody they're a couple, so I'm sure he's doing other stuff, so they can't hang out. I keep going back and forth between being amused and angry about this.

I had lunch a few days ago with an old friend that still works with them. To be clear, I don't go around asking about them or looking to talk about them. It's the last thing I want to talk about, but it came up in the conversation and she confirmed they are still trying to hide they're a couple, but she's figured it out. I just think it's pretty amazing how ashamed people can be about something, but it doesn't seem to matter in the end.

As far as me, I'm still just trying to be me. I'll admit I've fallen back into a rut. I'm actively working against slipping into a depressed state. Little things can still really bother me. For example, STBXW is not big into jewelry, but I had bought her a very nice pair of diamond earings just before we separated. She never wore them, but for Christmas she got a pair of earings that she's worn a few times around me. I'm pretty sure they're from OM, and it just pisses me off. I try not to let her see it, but I'm not sure if I'm successful. I've got to continue detaching and being the healthiest I can be. My GAL is still going, and I'm in fantastic shape and only getting better. It's just going to take time.