Bern, I'm sorry about this latest revelation, that had to be very painful to discover. I'm not up on your entire sitch but we often say a WW has to hit rock bottom before things will change for the better. Rock bottom is usually the WAS realizing she has well and truly lost everything and she becomes desperate to get it back and will do anything. We advise that after your spouse has cheated on you, if they want back they have to agree to several things including full transparency on phone and social media. IE- she must be willing to hand over her phone whenever you ask so that you can review her messages. And she has to provide you with all social media passwords so you can check on her activity. If she has truly hit rock bottom she will do this and more. If she hasn't she will accuse you of being controlling.
It sounds to me like your W never hit rock bottom, you let her come back too soon. All she did was go deeper undercover with her shenanigans. She's addicted to OM and the rush of doing something sneaky and it's not going to stop. If it's not physical right now, it's only a matter of time before it starts back up again.
You ask whether you should confront her. Here's the thing, if you confront her she is just going to lie and deflect so what is the point. I hate to say it because this is a marriage-saving site, but I don't think you have a chance of saving your M unless you leave her. If she loses you she may finally hit rock bottom and own the terrible things she's done. Or she may not, so you can't do it unless you are really done yourself and to the point of not caring if she comes back or not. So my opinion is if you confront her, you tell her you know what she's doing and you are done. Tell her you want her to pack her bags and get out. She may refuse, if she does then you go completely dark on her. No chit chat, no going out, no counseling, nothing. If you don't feel you can do this then don't, you have to get to the point where you are fed up and done with her before you can go to this extreme. But I think it's going to have to get to that point before she might wake up.
