New thread- Newcomer pre-bomb drop

[Bern19]

Thanks ovrrnbw. I hear you. No matter what the next step for me, I won't be the one filing. I plan on making her do all the heavy lifting. I did meet with a Lawyer months ago, but more time was spent on what he will and won't do and how much it will cost than on advice on getting ready. I think I need to meet with a couple more. Regardless of my next plan of action, I will not help her with the process in anyway. I think it will do her good to have to do this on her own.

As for outing her to the therapist, that's not the reason I'm going. I do have other issues I'd like to discuss, the main one being how I've been working on myself for the past year. Working on being a better husband, helping more around the house, getting back into shape... You know, all the stuff she said I was failing at. I jumped in the deep end and got to work. In doing so it seems I've found myself. Not sure when it happened, but I started to realize that while I could have been a better husband, she certainly could have been a better wife. Neither one of us was doing a very good job of meeting each others needs. I guess during those couple of months where she led me to believe we were working on reconciling, it dawned on me that I felt I was making all this progress and truly felt like I was becoming a better husband. Yet I never felt like she was making any progress towards being a better wife or meeting my needs better. Turns out the whole thing was just a sham and she never was working on being a better wife. She was playing a part to help smooth out her home life. I just wondered if it is out of bounds to tell her IC that she is being lied to? Or is that not my place?

The other thing I'm trying to figure out is how to move forward. Do I even tell the wife I know, or do I just go dark?