Got a typical WW on my hands here guys! Had no idea about *any* of this until within the last month things got bad. Possible A. Got the "I think we should start thinking about D and custody and who is moving out" talk already.. not even a month from our last argument when I found out she might not L me anymore.
Luckily I engulfed myself in books, and now understand what is mostly going on - typical WW with EA and MLC (we are both almost 40, a 6 and 3 year old). Lots of shopping, makeup, hair, going out late etc. It all is pretty cut and dry to me now but holy moly was not a couple weeks ago!
With her pressuring for a D already what are my options? Before I wanted to save the marriage (still do for kids obviously - they are absolutely everything to me) but it is quite clear she wants out.. and fast. Should I tell her she can move out but recommend no Divorce until we are separated for a bit?
svdad, a lot of us come here with WWs that are ready to hit the ground running with S and/or D. My WW in the first few weeks after BD was fixing up her resume, doing apartment searches, doing a lot of research on D and the effects on kids. Etc.
Take a deep breath. Step back. I know your mind is racing. You are probably looking for the magic bullet. "Do this and she'll change her mind." Etc. The only thing that works in these sitches are time.
Here is the thing. What is she pressuring for D? Most WW are like upper-management at a Fortune 500 company. They make pronouncements and expect that someone will go do the work for them.
So next time she pressures, have a response like this ready: "I am completely opposed, ethically and morally to divorce. If you want a divorce I can't stop you but I will do nothing to help. I won't hinder it if you insist on divorce, but I won't file, I won't lift a finger in anyway to help with it because it would violate my conscience."
If she wants to sleep alone SHE moves out of the MBR. Not you.
svdad, my W gave up her quest for D pretty quickly after she realized that she was going to be the one to do all of the work. Not all WWs give up that quickly, but since you are still relatively early in your sitch you need to lay the ground work now that she's on her own in this quest. That you are there for her the minute she decides to give it up.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
