Building my best self and life with or without W

[SteveLW]

Did, when you were courting her, did you do the chasing? Or did she?

You mention: "She’s deep smart gorgeous sexy."

If she is smart why isn't she earning her own living yet?

I heard a saying years ago that has stuck with me: "The one that loves the least, controls the relationship." Has she always controlled your relationship with her?

I agree you need to move on. I still get the sense that you are looking for that "hail mary" that I think Ginger mentioned. That you are hoping with one more day, hour, or minute she'll wake up and be the girl you married again. I think every thing you do is to gauge if she has taken a step toward or away from you, or remained in the same place.

You talk about being in control, happy with where you are, etc. Then tells us that at lunch she is going on her second date with another guy, and that you don't believe that, you think it is probably more than that.

Did you are two years in, this is not a new sitch where you should give her some time. After 2 years she continues to date others. If you were in the place you said you were prior to lunch you would have marched right to your L and MOVED ON. Even when you say "There’s nothing I can do but move on." it is as if there is dread and reluctance there. Compare that to the language pre-lunch. "I am pleased with where I am. I am so happy with my life. etc." So what is the truth? Are you ready to move on or are you sad and reluctant to do so?

Also, I would question the advice of your IC. I am firm believer in finding an IC that works, and not just settling for the first one you go to. We comparison shop for stereo speakers, and then we settle for the first IC that we find in the yellow pages. I would highly consider finding another IC. You're two years in. I am all for trying to save a MR but the facts of your sitch is that she has used you, manipulated you, continues to do so with no signs of changing her mind and returning to the MR, and continues to date (and presumably sleep) with other guys! Take a step back out away from your sitch a view it as an outsider, objective observer. If you were a friend of yours watching all this from afar, what would you say to you? Your IC essentially sent you into a lunch with a script (that you've said before by the way) in the hopes of what?

Anyway Did, I really think you need to move on and not just talk about. No more talks with her. No ultimatum. No "I'll do this with her and see if she is in or out." That ship has sailed. You can continue to be wagged by your tail, or you can take control and wag your tail!