LBS dealing with WW (part 7) (piecing?)

[Joe2017]

Thank you so much for thinking of me Sandi. That means a lot.

Well, I will say I have become a little bit better at managing the triggers. Either that, or I have been exposed to the majority of them over the past (almost) two months. Sometimes they still come out of nowhere, but I have been good about compartmentalizing them and then saving it for my therapy sessions. I do in-person IC and I have added phone-based counseling. The telephone counseling helps me tremendously for these small episodes. I can take something that bothers me, and then have a counselor on the phone in 15 minutes. It's very beneficial and has been helping me TONS. I can file something away for a day, and then call in to go over things.

This helps me to not bring it up to my XW and lets us to continue our day peacefully, which is a great thing because it allows us to enjoy the time we have together without ruining our day with pain from the past.

Currently, the main thing that bothers me is embarrassment and shame. I don't bring this up to XW, because that'd be unfair right now. She already feels embarrassment, shame, and guilt for what she did to me. What gets to me is knowing that she made a fool of me in front of the whole world. And in many ways, taking her back makes me feel like an even bigger fool! I know people are judging me right now, and it burns. They're my friends and family, and even though they are outwardly supportive I know that they don't really think I should be letting XW back. They tell me "I love you man, BUT......" and what can I say? They're right about almost all of it. And these are the people who stuck it out with me through all of my hardest days.

Maybe I just have a small bit of faith that XW can change... I hope. I'm sure this feeling of shame will fade over time.

Thanks again!