Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

I agree with all of you. At least in the most part. I thought I'd have a bigger vacation high and larger depression. I'm surprised that both are tempered. The high was not as high and the "depression" lasted a few hours Sunday and has not returned. Right or wrong, my near entire focus was on having this cruise go well. And it did. Was it worth all of the bumps getting here - oddly yes - although I would much, much rather not have gone through that. I'll tell you something else, I'm not one bit upset that as of today we've not yet been asked back for next year. I'm almost relieved.

JuJu you hit on much of it - perhaps most. I really do think that she does feel a little guilt and a little bit bad - but not enough to stop or alter her behavior. I don't deny she feels "pleased" with herself pulling this off but I think even more, she somehow feels this is vindication or her gift for having endured through her marriage and the last guy dumping her. The self-esteem piece is dead on. I saw that in weeks one and two. She has very low self esteem. She doesn't think she's pretty, or worthy and uses sex to get men. She readily admits that she married her ex husband because she thought he was the best she could do and no one else would want her. She has to feel incredible having some guy (me) take her on the longest and one of the best vacations of her life and have this new guy overlook it and be waiting with total excitement for her to return. When we briefly spoke about posting pictures, I was a touch surprised when she said she was going to post all of them - including with me. She even made a comment about being proud that I took her. Interesting.

The drama part does not fit as much. I have to give her this, she is very nice and very kind to people. Is it an act? Who knows? Of the group of 8 at our dinner table a few of them liked to gossip about others. Wild Girl was very quiet often and hates this type of thing. There was an adult autistic man in the group of 600. I did not know him but he's the son of a sax player in the large big band that was core. I think he's 50. He's high function but you can tell he's not right. I tend to try to ignore these people as if you don't, they will hang on you all week. Wild Girl on the other hand took the time to dance with him, was nice to him and I'm sure made him feel great. The others could not understand it and I think secretly wished she would shut him down so he would not bother us. I don't think this was feeding her ego in any way. It's just who she is. Even broken people can have some redeeming qualities.

As coach would say "she's a great playmate but not relationship material".

That's what I've been saying from the get go - "she's fun to play with, but that's about it." Perhaps I'm in the wrong. Maybe I used her as much as she used me? But I don't deny it. It's why I never pursued a committed R with her. Well part of it anyhow along with not trusting her, etc. She got along well with everyone, never gave me any grief, was supportive of the "work" I had to do, was very appreciative and thanked me often, bought drinks and food, etc. (pre and post cruise) as much as I did. And I don't even have to "deal with her" after. Doesn't make me look too good but at least I'm honest about it. If I had more quality women to chose from I'd chose differently. My choices were what they were and in the end I really don't regret it. Over the last couple months I certainly did, but not in the end. Hopefully the real deal will not be too far down the road in my future. I do like her. It's just too bad she's so broken - and I don't see that ever changing.

Congratulations on a fun and successful cruise! As sad as it makes me to say it, I'm certain you had more fun with Wild Girl than you would've had with me. Oh well.

I was way ahead of the curve on this one too. LOL Great to see you finally admit it. Plus, Wild Girl really does look great in a black dress!