Lately, I'm just feeling dead. Like I need to get out and do something to be alive. Maybe that means leaving W at home to go do stuff. And I just feel like W is just so lost right now. I need some more time to clear my head and take time to enjoy life.
(((Ovr))) I am sorry. It sounds as if you are feeling depressed. It makes complete sense given the circumstances. I have felt this way so many times in the last 4 years. Having our S back in the M does not translate into things being better or easier. When we are newly BD'd we are in a crisis mode, desperate and grasping for straws. We try and follow the rules and take the advice just to get through each day. After times goes on, and especially if they come back, the dull ache of a new reality can set in and feel draining and depressing. Sure, she is there. But you know in your heart she is not there in the way you want her to be or in the way you would need her to be to start piecing the M. So perhaps you feel depressed and stuck.
Going out and GAL may help on a day to day basis. Sometimes it's nice to just escape and create some enjoyment. I think that's good. In terms of healing the wound, it is putting a bandaid on a very deep cut. Not sure that will solve anything in the long run. It is also okay to not always being in solve-it mode. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to just live, and simply be, without having to accomplish goals or get things done. That will also offer it's own clarity.
Take care of yourself, Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
