Bo, glad you saw where I was going. I can honestly say that I had a W that was very sure that our MR was over, that she was moving out, and we were getting a D. The more I bucked against it the more dug in she got. But as I started to embrace the new direction the more she started to back off and change her mind. It is a weird dynamic. Those that are most successful at saving their marriages do it by giving up on the marriage. Your W sounds a lot like me. It is like the big dog that is all snarling and barking, but the minute you approach despite that it tucks its tail, lays down and rolls over to have its belly rubbed. Not all WAWs are like this, but the ones that are will quickly give up being so sure about what they want the minutes they start to get it.
Hey Steve,
Thanks for your input.
I’m pretty sure W is all-in for D right now.
What I do remember is that earlier this month when she dropped it on me, I’m sure she was surprised I didn’t get mad, angry, or super-sad—I didn’t react on-script.
I do remember the advice—give up your MR to save your MR, as counter-intuitive as it sounds.
W is a lot of fire and brimstone right now—she has threatened me with a court order to remove me, but then later she is concerned how all this is affecting the kids. You think that barring Daddy from home is going to positively impact the boys?
Once I kick this bug, W and I will talk about the parenting plan, and I’ll restate my objections to it, ask some questions, and reinforce that if she wants out of the MR, she can leave (and I’ll bring up the talking points that L gave me). What I do know is that I haven’t given in to her initial demands, which for me is huge, and not what she expects. I do wonder if we go down this road and we start to do the practical aspects of this that if she will be so sure that she truly wants this. I don’t know, and that’s not for me to decide.
