Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 6

[Davide]

Hi folks! Just some quick journaling here:

I spent the weekend up in Philadelphia at a national job fair for teachers. It was crazy, like speed dating, and I had 22 interviews in just over 24 hours (noon Friday till 2:30 on Saturday). Most of them won't lead anywhere, but it is still nice to feel in demand and know that I have lots of possibilities out there. They are all across the country from San Diego to Nashville, to Miami, to Denver, to NYC. It is exciting and frightening to think about starting fresh in a new place. However, I am being quite picky and will only leave for a near-perfect situation both in terms of the job and in terms of starting a new social life.

I was also able to spend time with old HS friends and even have dinner with my parents, which was fabulous. They all would like me to return to that area but so far their are few opportunities.

I am continuing to date. After speaking with a friend I decided to keep dating other people since things were progressing so slowly with the separated woman that I have seen 5-6 times already. We are continuing to see each other, we actually have a date tonight, and we had a good honest conversation about where we were and what we are looking for. She is aware that she is not as ready as I am and was upfront about that, but we do enjoy each other's company so we will continue to see each other. That said, I already have a few dates set up with other people and will keep an open mind. It's strange to be dating and job searching at the same time (all of my dates know that I was up at a job fair) as it feels like two parallel tracks that lead in different directions. If I find a great person I am willing to spend more time here to see where it goes, but if I find a great job opportunity elsewhere I am definitely willing to move. I suppose the biggest issue is if I find both, but it's not worth expending mental energy on that quite yet.

I finally separate my W's phone plan from mine, as well as our gym membership, so that is another step towards complete independence. She finally wrote back to me about meeting to discuss splitting up our joint bank accounts and splitting the house and suggested that we talk this coming Saturday or Sunday. I haven't responded yet, mainly because I want to schedule that around my dates rather than vice versa. She doesn't get the priority there! I'm sure that she will want to discuss the past, and to an extent I am willing to listen to her and validate, but I don't have any desire to rehash the mistakes we both made or to provide her with any absolution. My focus (drishti) is on the future. For me that has been the key to this whole process, moving from backwards-focused thinking towards forward-facing thinking.

I had a text conversation with a potential date last night and she asked whether I had been married, and then if I was divorced or separated. I answered honestly, but then we got into a deepish conversation about dealing with breakups. It was nice to be able to tell her that I feel happier now, more positive, and more certain of myself than I did in the final years of my marriage. This has been the worst year of my life by a long shot and yet it has helped me to come closer to the person I want to be.