I understand the grief, the loneliness. I understand the love you seem to still bear for your H, and the frustration over the fact that "love"--at least for now--seems to not be enough.
I have deliberately avoided alcohol, except socially and only two beers at most. I know that going further would be, for me, the path to madness.
Grief is the penalty we pay for loving; if we did not still love, we would not still be grieving.
