You are afraid you will not find anyone that you will love the way you first loved your WH. I believe that you absolutely will... so long as you take the steps to do so.
Nic. Mr Right isn't going to randomly ring you doorbell and announce his presence. You are going to have to do the work to find him... and this time around the work will be much harder because you have to find someone who is right for you AND your D.
You may have been too harsh on the man who seemed "happy" to be D. As Ginger pointed out no likes meeting a sour lemon. He is telling you is truth but the actual truth lies somewhere in the middle. You take what you hear and you see with your own eyes over time. I often stood up and took side with my H's EW until I saw with my own eyes and my own experiences with her that he wasn't off the mark. I know my H did some terrible things in his previous M but I also know they were the actions of someone unhappily M for years. He is grateful for his children but they should have never been M in the first place.
You keep stating that you won't date because you are not divorced and still M. You won't D unless your WH pushes it forward.... GIRL you are stuck. Your WH is moving on with his life AND you are stuck. Yeah, you moved, you hardly talk to him though you will if wants to talk to you... HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU TOLD THIS MAN NO? Not enough.
I've pointed out to you many times that this man has zero fear of losing you. Not an ounce shows that you are moving past him... you've moved away to tolerate what he gives you better.
As Ginger stated she would have been divorced by now.
I want you to take some time and think - if you move to divorce you might just shake his world. Yeah he might not have to pay you any more in support but he will have to either buy out your part of the house and if he can't be forced to sell it. So you can take solace that he isn't getting to enjoy those fruits of your labor together. OR - you can silently laugh that this OW is living in a home that was never intended for her... (rather than being bitter that she is living your life.) I will tell you if it wasn't this OW it would be another.
Hon - you are an amazing person and mother but don;'t let this man's treatment of you define who you are. You need to move on. You just said it would take at least 5-10yr for your WH to get his act together so you could be together. Are you going to sit on a shelf during that time until he calls you up again... if ever? As Ginger also pointed out you are modeling behavior for your D. You are teaching your D that this is how men treat wives. Take a step back and write your D a letter. Let's pretend its your D's heart being ripped out... what advice would Nic give to D?
I totally believe in M and want to avoid D if at all possible but again as Ginger pointed out ---- M's only work when both parties are invested. I think your H knows you won't file and will happily sit and ignore how he behaves indefinitely He has probably told OW he can't M right away because he would lose the house. So here everyone sits until perhaps OW gets pregnant....
Nic you have come really far from a really dark place. You are strong but you need to see how beautiful and wonderful you are ---- you have a dear little one looking up at you!!! Just as Ginger said - she has an amazing boyfriend but she had to do the work and it meant dating others to find that perfect match. Don't be afraid... I had the best time dating... little a string of many first dates... they were each fun in their own way and believe it or not its how I found my groove back. I had the "pity" date where the guy whined and complained about his D and EW... clearly not ready to date!... to the guy who stood up and showed me how great his A** looked in these jeans he just bought... OMG. I'm still FB friends with 2 of them!!! I always walked away from a date with a great story to share... something funny, comical.
I also have an amazing first date story with my H. I left that date not planning a second one either... but he managed to pin me down for a second date and thats the date he 100% stole my heart.
Now Nic I never slept with these men... I never even kissed these men. I was out discovering the world learning who I was.... AND, Nic, that's what I think you need to do. You need to discover Nic. Nic the wonder woman, Nic the single mom, Nic who likes X and didn't even know... If you can do those things and don't use the line - I'm not divorced yet then you fine.... but if not maybe you should be... I'm not intentionally trying to be harsh but I think you use "I'm not divorced yet" as a crutch for living your life outside your WH.
