Keeping the faith ... finding me (Part III)

[Adam04]

FS,

How are you and D?

I agree with Yorkie on some of the things to do with D12. I was waking up 5:30 in the mornings and getting S11 up earlier because I knew how long he would take. If he relied on a clock, he would not wake up. Sad that is how it is so its either W or me waking him up. She does it more now and I get the little one ready. There are times when I want him to do something, I start it first then I call him to come help me and we talk about stuff while he is helping. This worked with taking out the trash. I let him do it, I noticed several things he didnt know how to do, then I made suggestions. People like to overstuff the trash cans and push stuff down so when this happens its hard to pull out. He saw this first hand and I explained this and other things. After he got it, he started to do this by himself and this helps him earn some spending money as part of his chores now. One time before I showed him, W wanted him to throw away the inside trash bag into the outside garbage can. Well, he didn't know how to cinch and he threw the bag upside down and all the stuff spilled out. She yelled at him and said he should have known. He was upset, and somewhat embarrassed. I went into the room to talk to him. Then I went to explain it to her so they could work it out later on. This was after BD. I don't talk to W about us but if it came to our kids, I sure would.

I also think its a good idea for D to have the board. She could have a checklist of all her equipment on it or something and have it checked off if its in her bag. You could maybe check with her before bedtime or something and I'm sure you've tried things already. I agree with including her in on doing what she needs to do and maybe you lead to see if she needs help. I know how it can be with kids that age. We have a little board in the kitchen for the kids schedule and things relating to the money they make from their chores.

I don't want to talk bad about my W but there are some really trying challenges ahead when it deals with the kids. We used to be on the same page about everything and I was the overprotective one, the safe one, the one worrying too much. The new house she is getting done in May, she is also having a pool built immediately afterwards. Prior to BD, we agreed to put the kids in swimming classes to help prevent possibly accidental drowning. As far as I know she is still going ahead with the pool but haven't put them in classes and this worries me. Her cousin was telling me about some distant relative who had 2 twins who drowned when the guy went to visit his sick mother. They wandered to the back pool and fell in. My S11 when he was young was left unattended in her brothers back pool and almost drowned because he ran back out with his life jacket off. I ran back outside to look for him and saw him submerged under water. Her brother had just come from that area too and had this look like he didn't see anything or didn't care. I was so angry.

FS, my W sounds like you with the yelling. She has one method and that is to keep raising her voice. She has been unable to take a moment to teach the kids, and I am not sure if its because they are boys. We always wanted a girl but we have two beautiful boys who we both love so dearly. Her way of taking care of them is so different from mine. I tell them about God, I teach them about behaviours, actions etc. She helps to make sure they are clean or has something to eat or need to go to bed and has their backpacks ready or their clothes are clean. I'm positive she wants me to do more of what she does and I am also 100% wishing she would do some of the stuff I have like my S6 would be sitting right next to her in the living room and calls for me to play with him because his mom wont. I can't think about when we split and I am only with them for 2 days. Maybe that will open her eyes for the betterment of our boys.

I'm sorry to hear about your D FS. How did the tests go? Your H really needs to look at himself in the mirror when it comes to D.

I have my moments when I drink at home, I fix a vodka and soda. Might make a late night one right now.