You asked how are the children(now adults)10 yrs later.
She left when they were 18, 15, 11.
2 of the 3 are doing well. I would consider 2 well adjusted and thriving. The other was a handful from the beginning. Her leaving made it worse and he is not well adjusted. Drugs, jail etc.
I allowed the oldest and youngest to talk about whatever they wanted. Whatever questions they asked I would answer as honestly as I knew the truth to be. I refused to talk bad about their mother even know if was not reciprocated. I think the openess, helped them understand human frailty. I'm not going to lie. It was difficult at first because I was hurting but it was the right thing to do. To listen to them talk about a mom who was awesome, to one they felt abandoned by and no longer cared about them was hard.
The lesson I learned and have said on this site before is be a rock for your kids, They are the innocent bystanders in this. One caring parent can make all the difference. They have lost one parent to MLC. Do whatever you have to do to heal yourself so they do not lose two. Also in doing this you prepare yourself and them to create a new family dynamic. a new solid foundation in which you can live the journey going forward on your terms and show them what resilience looks like from your actions.
Again, I'm probably making this sound too easy and it was not. I'm like most here, if you were having a one on one conversation with someone and telling your story, they would be crying. It is the most challenging, frustrating, painful, joyful journey one can take. One though, that can have a joyful future.
