10 yrs later

[mirage]

Hi all,

I'm an old timer. Previous threads under Spirit/Mirage. I occasionally check in to see how the newbies are doing, but today is an update from an approx Bomb drop 10 yrs ago I think. Time is not relevant for me. I will not or do not read my previous stuff. That seems a lifetime ago.

Quick background. I go through an MLC at about 40. No affair, no leaving, but an internal MLC that lasts 2 1/2 years. I come out of it a whole, healthy human being. My EXW was supportive throughout. Jump ahead 1 1/2 yrs, she hits MLC land. Has affair, lies, cheats, steals, and basically leaves me and our 3 children at the time. She was one of those mean MLC'ers. She disappeared for about 2 years then came back into kids lives. She would talk bad about me most of the time to whoever would listen. I rarely saw or heard from here unless it was something she felt she needed to complain about.

Before I get back to the reason for posting I will say this to the newbies. I have a great life. I had to reinvent myself and my relationship with the kids into our new story. It has been a great adventure and is still ongoing. That is the blessing we receive here. Save yourself so you can save others because your not the only one hurting from this. Also I considered myself lucky to have a good marriage until the MLC hit. I will stand by that forever, but we cannot choose anothers path. For reference it took me about 2 1/2 years to get over the bomb drop to get to the point of healthiness.

So I have to actually meet her the other day. There is virtually no contact at all except for some minor reasons. Our last child(college) needed something from her, so I told my daughter I would pick it up and then deliver it to her in the city she goes to college since I would be there on business.

So I go to there house. Apparently she has a new guy(not affair guy) and he has 3 or 4 kids. So I get the item and talk to her a little. She lied so many years that I have no feelings just a nuetral feeling. The anger seemed to be gone. I sensed a sadness as well. Now obviously I can be wrong but maybe the 10 years has burned the anger out. What also was ironic was the similarity to how we functioned as a family back in the day. I swear it looks like a re-creation.

I find human psychology and interactions very interesting and am much more aware of what people are going through today then I ever would have been otherwise.

I want to send good wishes to all. The standers, the LBS's, even the MLC'ers. It's not what is thrown at you in life, it''s what you do when it does. Not one of us is going to get through this life unscathed. Remember, save yourself first so you can help the next one in line.

Also, Hi Irish. Good to see your actions showing light to others.

Mirage.

[kml]

Before I get back to the reason for posting I will say this to the newbies. I have a great life. I had to reinvent myself and my relationship with the kids into our new story. It has been a great adventure and is still ongoing. That is the blessing we receive here. Save yourself so you can save others because your not the only one hurting from this.

Amen to this!!!!

[job]

I totally agree w/kml ….. AMEN!

[bttrfly]

I want to send good wishes to all. The standers, the LBS's, even the MLC'ers. It's not what is thrown at you in life, it''s what you do when it does. Not one of us is going to get through this life unscathed. Remember, save yourself first so you can help the next one in line.

This shines for me like a lighthouse on a stormy night.

xoxoxo

[Gordie]

Thank you for your honesty and update

Really inspiring

[roist]

I remember some of your posts to the newbies. Thanks for guiding them and for sharing your outlook here.

Unfortunately many WAS don't look enough inward (which is also ironic as they are so self focused!!) to see their contribution to the situation. Without that learning, they do what they did before, expecting a better result.

I am glad that you have a full and fulfilling life and that you now have the ability to observe such disfunction and see it. I too see much more than I ever did before when I observe people interacting. Not just couples.

Best wishes

[JujuB]

I agree the psychology behind them is interesting... but also frustrating, illogical, and devastating.

How are your children doing 10 years later? A mom disappearing 2 years from her own kids life and then forming a new family with someone elses kids ??

And yeah, this experience has given me the super power of seeing what people are really going through...or actually who they really are. Like when i see a step mom living with someone elses kids..i recognize tjat step mom. When i talk to a sweet old lady that tells me how her ex dil holds grudges against her son all these years...i recognize that son. When a man tells me ,"children cant be happy unless parents are happy" i recognize who he is. These are selfish people at the core.

[marina7]

I agree with Juju

I honestly believe we all LBS been with a narcissist
They just held it together for long but again the Mask came
Off.

A therapist once told me a narcissist gets worse in age.
Again I know MLC And Narcisse have alot in common
But heartless is one for sure.

They could see us dying on the side of the road and we
have a better chance of strangers saving us.

[bubbs16]

I agree with we have a better chance of strangers saving us but not sure i agree with all of them being narcissistic .

[job]

My opinion is that not all of them are narcissistic. Try to remember that babies and teenagers exhibit selfish and self centered behavior when growing up. A crisis can bring out the various types of behavior, i.e., narcissistic behavior, border line behavior, etc. The question to ask is....were they like this the entire time that they were w/you. If your answer is no, then I would venture to say that it would be very difficult to hide personality disorders for a long time. People w/personality disorders can hide them for only so long before they emerge.