Still foggy, still going (Phoenix9 DB XI)

[sandi2]

Well, in this particular situation, I don't agree with the idea of him returning to the house on a full time and forcing his W to get out or suffer through it. Here and are my reasons.

1. They are living as a S couple, and they agreed they wanted to use the "nesting" arrangement for the sake of their child. Whether or not we like or agree with the nesting arrangement.......Phoenix has agreed with his W.
2. Phoenix is focusing on his anger issues, and has admitted that his W was right about him in the past......plus we know that during this ordeal his anger and vindictiveness has worked against him in trying to bust a divorce. So he has made the decision to work on his issues. Not only did he make the decision, he told his WW all about it...........plus more. In so many words, he has told her he will not be a problem for her about the living arrangements.....and knowing that she will be with OM2 half time. Phoenix wants his daughter to have time with her mother in the home. This was his decision and stated agreement with his W, Considering he proclaims to have been a pr'ck previously, plus everything he has recently said to his WW, I think it would look more like pr'ck behavior if he goes back on his word. In this case, him announcing to his WW that he will remain full time in the house would not make him look strong and attractive. It would make him look like a jerk who went back on his word.
3. At this point, him staying in the house full time will not save his MR. His WW is already living with OM2 half time, and Phoenix needs to work toward getting her stuff out of the home......if the plans are for him to live there after they are physically separated and her live elsewhere. Once they are really physically separated, then they need to consider another child/parent arrangement. When OM2 and WW have to deal with real life, and keeping D4.........playing house may not be near as much fun.

.Phoenix, here's the thing, this current nesting arrangement cannot be permanent. You can not move forward and expect to have future relationships with you spending half your time back at the marital home with your child. I know you are hoping your M will be saved, but at the same time you need to be realistic and ask yourself if this is the setup you want until D4 is ready for college. How long can you make payments of two places.....b/c eventually, friends and family get tired of you staying with them......if that's what you are doing.

As much as you want your child to have quality time with her mother, you cannot force the other spouse to be a be good parent. If D comes, then eventually the child will spend 50/50 wherever the parents live. Even if the parents are okay with the nesting arrangement, other partner or future spouses aren't very likely to go along with it. That's how life goes.

Phoenix, I think you have handled things fairly well, except when you open your mouth. Why in blue blazes does the LBH think he must explain to his WW (who is leaving him and living with OM2) about his personal goals, self improvements, behavior changes, and intentions? And why oh WHY does the LBH feel that his WW is hard of hearing? How many times did you tell her you didn't want a D? Couldn't you just tell her if she wants a D that she can file and you won't stand in her way? She saw this as another time you "just changed your mind", although you kept on telling you didn't want a D.

She then asked me if this is the way we want to continue living (stay legally married and do what we are doing). I said "yes". She asked me why would I do that. I told her that I truly do not know right now (any other answer would be pursuit, right?)

What!

but I know a divorce is not what I want.

At what price? I mean, that's your business, but you've just told your W that she can continue screwing OM2 and you'll accept it b/c you don't want a D. So now, she's going to turn the heat up. If you thought your self respect was in the tanker before.......just brace yourself buddy.

Like I've said, men with NGS have trouble staying balanced. Remember me cautioning you about swinging too far the other direction? You said you were trying to soften your stance.......well, congrats b/c you've just become about as weak and soft in her eyes as it gets. No, you should never tell a WW that you agree to stay M while she lives with another guy. You are saying you'll put up with anything, b/c you don't want a D.