13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So whats happening in my life right now..

Well basically, life is happening - and I have bought a ticket for the ride. I am no longer sidelined, watching the trains pass by, and I feel so great, wow, I am smiling while typing this, because I feel good, and I haven't felt good in a very very long time. Realizing this, just makes it so clear, how much I have struggled, lost, won and then lost again up till this point.

So yesterday I had to work, and WW came home from OM early morning to take care of the kids while I worked. I feel like, and this might come off odd. She does what she does, and I tried so long to change me, change her, and well, I am just not into that game anymore. We have to coparent, and that is the relationship I need with her, and I will my very best to make sure that our kids have the best dad I can be, and she seems to be interested in that as well (from a moms perspective -:)). I appreciated the help, and told her thanks.

So after work, she took off, and me and the kids had a great day, we went for a walk, did some shopping for sunday, and read some books before calling it an early night.

Sunday my entire family came to celebrate D5 and S1 birthday (both have birthdays in january). We have had a great day, and a lot of cake was consumed! Good thing tomorrow is gym session before work .

Tuesday is S1s birthday, and STBXW asked if we could take them to a restaurant for a early meal to celebrate my little warriors birthday. I know, because I've been here for a while now, that this might look like cake-eating from your perspective (having OM and dining with the family) -

So let me break it up from my perspective: I do not want anything from my former companion other than a good relationship because of our kids. This relationship as far as I am concerned, stretches to doing stuff with the kids on special days, birthdays etc. I have no contact with STBXW other than when we switch on fridays - other than that its a rare text or call about financial stuff or things related to the kids. Our lives are completely separated in all regards other than the kids - I have no expectations and frankly I look back, and see how rose-tinted my expectations were. That piedestal I had her on, holy cow... I am a wiser man today, but I am also scarred, and especially my confidence around women is really something im struggling with. It is hard for me to trust. I guess it gets easier.

I guess, I now know, how much more I deserve, and yea, her too I guess - despite the way she screwed me over, and betrayed me, I do know, that our relationship had issues, and I know how I can improve and not bring my portion of those issues into my next relationship, and I am really grateful for that. I am a bettered person, a bettered father, a stronger, wiser and more loving Hurt, than I have ever been before, and I have so much to be grateful for in my life.

Have a good evening. I am gonna watch a movie, and call it a night . My kids are completely collapsed in their beds after a wonderful day, surrounded by people who love them from here to the moon and back.