i think it is always best to know the whole truth. Sometimes there isn't a lot to be gained from it, other than trusting that you've been told anything that might possibly be relevant.
I'd be interested to find out why your XH kept going back to the OW whenever he fell into depression. Has he been able to tell you what it was about her that he found helpful for his depression?
It would also be interesting to know a bit more about how many years it took your XH to work his way back to you from Bomb Drop. How long did it take you to feel OK again?
Are you OK with the idea of reconciliation? When you say it's opened up a world of hurt, are you saying you are reliving the pain again? Or is it something else?
