Hello everyone. Not sure if this is the right forum, because i am divorced but here goes. I was on here years ago for a little bit. More of a lurker. Also did coaching. I changed my name on here as I was found out, long story. I appreciated the advice I got here.We were 39 + 40 at bomb drop day. Together 9 years. At bomb drop my XH seemed like he was falling into depression. I didn't know what to do. Textbook from here on out: He's acting weird, I find a million text messages, accuse him of affair, he denies, and lashes out at me. Everything under the sun wrong with me. I freak out, beg plead cry, he sinks deeper in his funk. He told me he wasn't happy, just needed space and wanted to be happy. He moved out. I was crushed. I was by then reading DB and in IC. I'd see him from time to time, mostly about his stuff and separating accounts, etc. I tried to be kind, but inside I was dying. No talk of reconciliation, just he wanted more space. He filed, we sold house, divorced. He moved away. That is the short version I guess. Well now take a guess who has surfaced after all these years. (question one for you all, is this healthy to find out the truth?) anyway, yes, had an affair. Broke it off but his dad died and he went back to her. this was during our separation. Said he was totally depressed and she made him feel better. He also said he was afraid if he was honest about it I would never take him back. so he doubled down and she moved in with him. It lasted two years. They broke up, he's had a few short term things in the last few years but reached out to me because he has "woken up". he said he was so sorry and wished it never happened. he'd do anything to get me back.He's in therapy for depression. This has brought up a world of hurt. but, when Job says it isn't about you, she is right. she's right about everything actually!! Ok I will stop here.
