Brave Little Gerda Faces the Cutting Winds

[Gerda]

I think it's funny that my question about the washer got more replies than anything I have ever posted about my sitch!

OK, peeps, I love how much you want to help me. So can you just come over and do it? Especially Gordie, who is apparently a part-time washer repairman!

Remember I live in a city and quarters are very tight. My washer/dryer is wedged into a closet I carved out of a front hall that leads to the basement. In order to move the stack of washer/dryer, I would have to pry off the molding around the closet opening. I can barely jam myself in on the side of the thing and it is HEAVY. So I might have to buy a new washer simply because I don't have the strength to move the stack, let alone take the dryer down to try to work behind everything. In a certain way, the guy who quotes $300 doesn't know what he is getting himself into!

To make matters more MLC-ish, my H came home last night looking haggard and haunted, as usual, to announce to me that he had had his second blow-out with the tire and could not change the tire because the car was on a hill way uptown where he was when it happened. It was his second blow-out, and he told me there must be something wrong with the tire, he had called AAA and that's what they said, and he can't afford another tire because he just replaced the other one that blew out. We don't usually make daily use of our very old car, and he has been driving miles upon miles everyday for this new job. He said that he will be driving on the spare tire because he can't afford to get another, and that "when you use it, you'll be driving on it too."

I wanted to send him a note about how I would love to help but if he won't fix the washer, I have no money to do anything, was many K short on mortgage this month and had to spend all my savings on a lawyer for a D I don't want. But I remembered what DnJ said about the car, and I decided I should just find a hundred bucks to pay for a used tire and keep the peace until I get my deal.

The only reason I thought it might be good to say anything specific about the money troubles is because I like to have everything in writing. Lawyer said if we go far down this line, it's good to have proof of all my attempts to communicate or involve him with these expense issues.

My H has always been a total disaster with car, constantly getting tickets, etc. That is one reason why I started to never ask him for help moving the car (for street cleaning) and just did it all myself. Even then, my car gets booted like once a year because of tickets he got and never paid or told me about, always costs like $600 to get the boot off. So last week he got towed and has to fight the ticket. And last week I also got a notice with HUGE fines because he had been using our toll Pass on my credit card, which maxed out, and he just kept going through EZ Pass when it wasn't working. The deal was he was supposed to take a route to work that didn't require a toll but he ignored that with no guilt about racking up ten bucks a day on my card. It's so weird how he still perceives us in this self righteous way as a family that has family expenses, family eggs in the fridge, family olive oil. He told me I have to pay the fine by a certain date or it will triple in fines.

So I am on the fence about it all but I think the best thing I can do here is follow DnJ's advice and make no waves about the car until I get at least my custody down on paper.

And it also fits in with my Christian desire to not become enslaved by anger or justice-seeking. Obviously I can't do this long-term or I would have no money for food, which is what was happening last year when I started limiting what I gave and that is what led him to divorce. But I think DnJ was right that I should just bide my time for another month or so in hopes that the custody agreement gets signed.