[quote=SoTorn] When W moves out and takes the kids with her to her new place, I'm going to have to deal with the absence, something I can't control. I need to whip my mind into shape. I don't think it just happens and I don't think anything can substitute or provide comfort. I will miss my children deeply.
This was tough for me at the start. My H is away with work a lot so I had got use to not having him around. But when he MO and started having the kids over night and started taking them places without me (it had always been me and the girls, or me, my H and the girls) it felt like my entire sense of self was being torn apart. The void they left was immense.
But I got through it. I had never been in the house on my own and slowly, very slowly, I learned to enjoy it. At first I would always plan an activity (I was at the gym A LOT back in those days) when he had the kids or I'd always accept his invitations to join them. This is when i started to meditate. I would lie down on a mat in our (my) room and listen to guided meditation. It helped ground me and come to terms with being alone. I purposely stopped planning activities and started saying no to the invites. I now look forward to my time at home on my own. I watch what I want on TV or put on music and potter around the house. I have to admit sometimes it still feels lonely but not as often as it did. You will be OK. I miss the girls and sometimes it is everything I can do not to call him up and ask if I can pop round for a cup of tea or join them for dinner. Sometimes I still fail in holding myself back.
You will get there. At first, you will fill the void with GAL activities you don't want to do, or programmes on TV you don't want to watch, doing anything you can to keep the loneliness at bay, but eventually you will stop thinking of it as a void, and just think of it as your life. And it is a life worth living.
The other thing is the kids - I can't remember how old yours are, but they will suffer too. When they are with them they will feel your absence. When they are with you, they will feel hers. I am not sure if I have handled this bit as well as I could have, but I try and reassure them that I miss them but I am fine when they are away with their dad. I try and get them excited about seeing him (if I am excited, it gives them permission to be excited too). That last bit is hard. I hate them going to see their dad, but if I look sad, then they will either feel guilty about being excited, or feel sad about leaving me. Being a parent I guess is putting your feelings aside to protect theirs.
Originally Posted by Adam04
Pictures... I wasn't planning to keep my wedding album or pictures of me and her or our family but I think that's a little extreme. What if the boys grow up and wanted to see or share their history of mom and dad. What have you felt about that? I could keep them but not place them up. Between W and I, she has no attachments to items. No heirlooms or keepsakes. We never had a family album made. Everything is online. You know what, I've made my decision. I'm keeping some but not putting them up. Maybe storage. At first thought I was like naw, I'm not keeping nothing, but I've sat on it and am okay with this decision. We have a few pictures of us together when we were younger. The one that used to be on my desk sits in a drawer. I am not throwing it away. Even if I was to ever re-marry, I'd give them to the kids. It's for that reason only, I think. Feelings are hazy on this one, and its still new.
From someone who lost her temper and threw out every photo pre kids of my H and I (holidays we took together, nights out we had, our first ski trip, our wedding photos ... literally everything) I can say that with every fibre of my being I regret having thrown them out. Oh, I kept all the photos post children. But there is nothing of the four years we spent together before we had kids. There is nothing to show we were once desperately in love, Do not throw them out. Even if it hurts to look at them they are a part of you ... they made you who you are. Those pictures will someday remind you that you were young and foolish and in love. She loved you and you loved her. That is worth remembering.
