Thanks Yorkie - your advice, as always, is well appreciated. Being 12 is tough, I know, I was a 12 year old girl once, but it just hurts so much to see her in pain. And then thinking I am adding to her pain, well, that just cuts me up completely.
I have tried asking her to get organised before bed but it doesn't help. She goes to her room, tells me its done, and then in the morning says "I forgot I had a footie game and someone's hidden my shin pads". I do like the alarm clock idea. She is not allowed her phone in the evenings anymore (we thought that she was spending too much time on it) but will go out and get her one of those old fashioned alarm clocks today.
We are sorting out a counsellor for her so that might help. She doesn't like talking about it "I'm fine", "leave me alone" but maybe a third party might help.
Originally Posted by Yorkie
So daughter needs some help being organised. First though, has this always been the case? Could there be an element of dyspraxia, or do you think it is a combination of age, situation and raging hormones?
In the past, I have always organised stuff for her. I would sit down and do her homework with her at night, pack her bags for the next day and put her clothes out. When she started high school (round about the same time as BD) it became harder to keep track of what she had at school everyday so we started letting her do stuff for herself. It was hard for her. One day having everything sorted for her, then suddenly, having to do it all for herself. But she coped. Once a week we would have a mini breakdown, but nothing unusual. Now it is an every day occurrence and it is accompanied with tears.
Originally Posted by Yorkie
I'm just wondering if she feels a lack of control because of what is happening and it might help.
For me this is definitely it. It isn't just the moving out, it is all the change happening around her at once. Moving from a tiny primary school where everything was done for her to a large high school where she didn't know anyone and the expectations are so much higher (she goes to a grammar), her body changing, her father moving out, suddenly going on holidays without me, my going on holidays without them, my going out so much when I was always home etc etc etc. All this is change, and she can't control it.
Originally Posted by Yorkie
I was like a wailing banshee some mornings whilst my 3 fought about where their favourite rugby socks were and a brother must have pinched them. I once told middle son that I refused to go in his room to get his washing as it was like a bomb site. He just shrugged his shoulders and still didn't bring his washing. So I stood my ground until I saw him going to school in the same shirt all week with stains under the armpits and a tide mark round the neck.
Wailing banshee is a good description of me some mornings. I know it's normal to have these stresses, and if she just shrugged her shoulders then maybe I would not feel so bad. It is the tears and the look of helplessness I can't cope with.
Oh, and there would be hell to pay if my H ever found out that i'd sent either of my kids to school in unclean clothes. Some mornings when he comes to pick them up, he will look at their shoes, see scruff marks, tell me I need to be more organised, then shine them for the kids. I've known him to ask them to change shirts because there was crease marks on the ones they were wearing. I just stand there feeling inadequate. He really is a [censored].
