The rest of yesterday went smoothly. I drove home, chatted briefly with WW about D4 and WW left. I had a quiet evening with D4 and we enjoyed each others company.
This morning, WW came home really early, like 30 minutes before the usual time. I was getting ready for my workday so I did not see her until I was ready to leave. When I saw her, she looked like a total mess. Hair messed up, wearing pajamas, and maybe even some crying. I kept it light, but her responses were very brief and terse. I kept up my PMA and left the house, even telling her to have a good day (she waved at me without looking at me...she mad).
I'm going to turn this around. I am going to try to. I'll still have the balls to make the necessary decisions and to show her that I am not afraid, but I am also going to show her that yes, I do still care and I still love her.
I see bits and pieces of my old W before she went wayward. I need to continue to chip away. And I need to do it lovingly. Without vindictiveness and anger.
The marathon not sprint mentality is absolutely needed here.
Adam,
Thank you for your insight and support. While objectively I can step back and tell myself that I am beating myself up and that I am a good looking dude, my mind wanders, especially when I hit a low to a place where my past comes to haunt me. I know I am making progress. I see it. I am getting more confident by the day. I like the wet towel analogy. It took us (still is) over a year for us to actually admit to each other that we are not living as a married couple but as two individuals. We're not 100% separated yet, but we have accepted that we are.
ovr,
I do remember you telling me these things back awhile ago. I am not sure when, but I do recall that I took some of your advice and started to employ it in my life. As far as our arrangement goes, it's (1) best for our D4 and (2) what we can afford to do. I tried to move back in when WW in the house, but it clearly was not working out, as evidenced by my journaling in November and December. Resuming the three-day arrangement works for us. Well, it's worked out for us so far. What hasn't worked is my attempt of being ballsy and talking about D. In hindsight, it was a huge mistake on my part. Regardless, I dug that hole. I need to get myself out of it.
