My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 6

[ovrrnbw]

Blu, I appreciate you staying involved in my sitch. The affair came up. Initially, W glossed over a lot and said she "started dating someone", therapist read my body language there and saw something, but I didn't interrupt. We got back around to it, and I made it clear that longer before W ever dropped the bomb on me that she started talking to OM. W: "We were just friends". Me: "Yea it's always 'just friends' or some guy from work, I don't buy it. It's wrong, quit lying."

W has said things like "It was bad for a long time, since before we were married". I used to let that statement go unchallenged, but recently I've started saying "Yes, and you still chose to marry me and commit to me. That's not an excuse to cheat." W doesn't know what to say to that b/c the statement about things being bad was something she and her parents came up with to make her actions seem better. I do think the MC is remaining objective. The MC did ask us why we were here, so I said "Ladies first". W was about one step below saying "I'm committed to fixing this", but it was more than I expected. Of course the MC is not aware yet of all the back and forth between me and OM. I'm frankly disgusted with myself for enabling that for so long. I guess that's why I try to help the new people here. W did try to prove it was over by showing me the texts on Snapchat. I guess that's all I get, and even then, it could be contrived. But so could a phone call. The trust is very little.

As for your separation advice, as you know I'm a bit unsure about this. The growing resentment is not good for me. I was thinking about being done with W a bunch on the night of MC. And W adds pressure to me in her own ways. W went to her IC again this week, that's good I guess. I've read your words several times and thought about it a lot. It takes time to understand things, or maybe one more read before you really understand. I think your concern is the lack of trust, respect, love and that continuing to operate this way will just damage things further. And maybe I don't understand it fully yet.

Adam, my sitch is a weird one (kinda, maybe not). Not sure how you mean yo-yoing. But yes I am, we are, she is yo-yoing at different times.

Almost done with my online work training, next week will be the start of some good GAL. Softball season is right around the corner. I'm wanting to join a basketball league too. Plus I have a good share of people that I was reconnecting with in the last 9-10 months that I can text and get together with and a few people that I've met through them. And I'm really wanting to get out and travel more, take the boat down to Florida and hit some beaches and go fishing. I wish I could make some of you guys a drink and relax sometime, I feel like that'd be a good time.