My entries are becoming fewer and more far between and I think this is a sign that I am less and less affected by the 'slings and arrows' of my sitch. My life is on a much more even keel - apart from the drinking which is a little out of hand. GAL in england seems to be centered around standing in bars, shooting the breeze and drinking copious amounts. I had hoped to settle down a little in Jan but as the project I am working on is closing down there are a lot of people leaving ... which means a lot of leaving do's to attend.
I wonder sometimes how I would have been if my H had not left. Would I have still gone to the leaving do's, would I have enjoyed them so much, would I have drank so much. I would have gone to some but left early (someone mentioned the other day that when I use to go out I was always nervously watching the clock), I would have enjoyed them but been thinking about home, I would not have stayed so late or drunk so much.
I have a life now, but I am not sure I like this life so much.
I went out monday night with a buddy for a quick drink. Nothing heavy, just two drinks and then home. I was supposed to go to dinner with the boy but he bailed because he had an interview the next day and wanted to swot for it. We are friendly now but not flirtatious like we were before we slept together. Tuesday and Wednesday I came home and hung out with the kids and last night I went to one of the guys in the office leaving drinks. I came home, barely able to walk, at around 1:30.
Work is going well. The project is live and we are now doing sweep up. It is very chaotic, so much has, and will go wrong, and there is a new problem to solve everyday. I prefer chaos (I am not one to panic) and am thriving in the craziness. Weird. But true. I am sure it will settle and I will become bored and be looking for a new job.
D12 is home again today. She was crying this morning about not being able to find her leggings. I lost my temper (we were due to leave in 5 minutes and she was still in her PJ's) and then felt bad so we had a long chat. She said she knows she is always sad or mad and doesn't know why. By this time she had got herself into quite a state, so I told her she could stay home.
When I told H that I had kept her at home we had the first argument we have had in ages. He said I should force her to go to school, I should make her get organised before bed, I should make her wake up earlier. I got very defensive and said that I have done all those things, but other than stand over her whilst she gets her stuff ready before bed or stand next to her whilst she gets ready in the morning, there is not much else I can do. His daughters has emotional problems and he still wants to say it is because she is disorganised and hormonal. And it is all MY FAULT. Being a 12 year old girls is tough, but it is not normal to cry EVERYDAY over nothing.
