I'm just curious, with your ex-husband, does he seem to be a great husband to the woman he's with now? Did he seem to have matured and grown over the years? Or do you still seem him acting the same way? I often wonder about the long term prospects of men like these, not because I have hope for my husband but because
I still never wanted a divorce so I still don't want to file if two attorneys suggested I wait. I'd only *need* to file if I wanted to get re-married but I don't see any prospect of that in the near horizon. I do wish, however, that someday I could find a man who I'd love as much as my original husband and who wouldn't leave. It'd be nice to have that experience in life, to have a real partner and to experience real love, but not everyone gets to have that. I'm still thankful for my beautiful daughter and I wish more than anything I could have given her a life with two parents and a nice house but I'll do whatever I can to still giver her the best chance possible in life.
The reason why I say this was a blessing in disguise is because he has not changed an ounce. He will have been married to his OW for 8 years this April. He teats her like garbage too. I've seen it, I've heard it, and I have also heard it from my daughter. And the saddest is he at times treats our daughter the way he treated me. Does he cheat on his current wife? I have no idea. I just know they are most likely together because she is willing to put up with the poor way he treats her and because he does what he wants when he wants. He hasn't matured at all. He treats me a little better now that we aren't married. He knows I have no reason to tolerate his disrespect because I am not his wife anymore.
Not for religious reasons, but I have a strong belief in marriage. I believe that you keep working as long as both parties are willing. But I believe there are a few serious ways to violate your marriage vows, and not just by infidelity. I also believe you have to look at the picture and what the actual situation is and not what it could be. I would have wanted to leave my ex by now if we were still married. Not for my sake, but for my daughter's sake. I couldn't have her see me grow up treated like garbage. She would think that's the right way to be treated and be ok with a guy treating her that way. And he wasn't going to change. he did not change. And if something is harmful to my child, I will do all I can to minimize that harm. Sure, the best bet was my H becomes a decent H and father. But I had no control over that and it wasn't the situation. Weighing the risks and benefits given what the reality is, is the best bet. NOt how it should be, but how it actually is.
To speak to finding another love. My ex was my first everything. I thought that I would never be able to find anything that compared at the time. I have dated in my 11 years when he left, had two serious, but short term R's. I have been dating my current BF for 5 months now. He is nothing short of amazing and I really love him. When I think about how I do, it almost brings me to tears. I thought I could never find this. I find myself wishing so badly we met when we were younger so we could have children together (if it progressed, that is).
All great things are possible. Even when they seem like they aren't. And I am not a divorce advocate. But there are grounds for it. Think, even the catholic religion (which I have many qualms with) will grant an annulment when vows are seriously violated. I don't believe in always looking for the next best thing, but I believe in mitigating harm.
