Thanks for your response! For once I get to respond quickly. The guy I met left his wife and said she had mental problems. As he described how she wanted to buy a house and have more kids but he ended it with her because she can't regulate her emotions I can't help but wonder about her side of the story. I can imagine my husband saying the same thing to his other woman. This guy says he offered her a chance to get treatment but the way he said he's feeling great about his divorce didn't seem right. He has a young child. He was still a respectable guy and I appreciate that he was fine with meeting as friends but there's probably no need to stay in touch.
Yes it's so wrong with a husband to fall in love with another woman. The part that didn't make sense over the past year was all the blame he cast upon me, changing our entire story saying he never loved me, then being really nice for a number of months and then going back to the angry guy again.....it fits well with what's written about affairs here and in other places. He's totally gone when things are going well with the other woman but he warms up when they're having problems. It's hard to understand this fully before it becomes a cycle. In the beginning I questioned all the things that I did wrong even though I know it's not my fault that he cheated. But this concept of a fantasy life shows up well in my case with my husband abandoning real life for fun and leisure with a woman he never would have respected before. All these years I was the 'best wife' and 'perfect woman' for being modest and for everything I did to support him. Now he's with a woman who, on facebook, has only pictures of her wearing a bikini on the beach holding a beer in her hand or sitting in a bar with her friends drinking shots. It's hard not to feel hurt knowing someone like that is living in my house enjoying everything I worked so hard for. Anyway I don't mean to keep repeating myself. I'm sure I'll better accept this latest bad news after it sinks in more.
I'm just curious, with your ex-husband, does he seem to be a great husband to the woman he's with now? Did he seem to have matured and grown over the years? Or do you still seem him acting the same way? I often wonder about the long term prospects of men like these, not because I have hope for my husband but because
I appreciate your fear about my husband coming back and me taking him back again. As I've written in the past that's no longer possible because we've been through this several times now. I may be hurt and broken but I'm still rational. I've learned a lot from the mistake of taking him back once before. I still love the version of him that I married but he'd have to go through long-term counseling and turn his life around before we could ever try again, but I think it'll be five to ten years before he'd reach that point. If he had come back last year totally remorseful and he had started counseling before I had already moved and started over I may have been more likely to give him a chance. I was still so shocked and broken at that time but now a lot of time has passed and I know we can't go through that again.
I still never wanted a divorce so I still don't want to file if two attorneys suggested I wait. I'd only *need* to file if I wanted to get re-married but I don't see any prospect of that in the near horizon. I do wish, however, that someday I could find a man who I'd love as much as my original husband and who wouldn't leave. It'd be nice to have that experience in life, to have a real partner and to experience real love, but not everyone gets to have that. I'm still thankful for my beautiful daughter and I wish more than anything I could have given her a life with two parents and a nice house but I'll do whatever I can to still giver her the best chance possible in life.
