My Story Pt 2

[Manta]

Journaling Jan 25th 2019:



So it will be soon 6 months since DDay for me, back in August 2018 when I found out my WW was cheating on me, with a work colleague (who lives in another country) for 2 months.

After I discovered the A and confronted, she ran away with him for a further week in another country. When she returned, I kicked her out of the apartment. I told her I wanted to R and try and fix the marriage, however we couldn’t if would continue seeing her AP. She choose him.


It’s been a long painful, very lonely and humiliating journey for me, but also it has brought me many positives, that are now bearing fruit.


I have come a long way.

I understand a lot more the dynamics of affairs, processing pain, understanding my emotional needs and others in relationships, also looking deeply into myself and analysing my failures as a husband and also making sure I make positive changes in my life as a strong man.

I’m in good shape, lost a lot of weight. Over 10kg ( 22 lbs). I’m now my healthy weight and those shirts and jeans are looking good again!! lol

I have re-engaged with a lot of old friends and made sure to value those friendships, as the gratitude I have for those friends I can’t put into words.

I have not been drinking much as anymore. I’m very focused on my career and getting things moving again.

I have continued detaching, getting on with my life, 180’s, setting goals and moving forward in my life.

I have been praying and meditating lot more and rediscovering my faith and what gives me inner peace

I have joined support groups and helping those who are going through similar pain and hurt, where I can do my best to help and advice if needed.

I don’t tolerate nonsense or disrespect anymore and I’m not afraid of setting boundaries.

I’m sleeping better, eating healther and not getting better as the week’s move by.

I’m still in NC with my WW. We haven’t seen each other or spoke in person since last September. She wanted a Divorce and messaged me the end of September. Since them, nothing has been filed, or mentioned again.

She’s still in her A with her AP.

I would be not be telling the truth if I said I still didn’t love her, or miss the life we had. However I have ACCEPTED this is the situation now, and I need to plan accordingly.

I want to work on our M. She doesn’t.

I want the A to over, she doesn’t.

I will continue to work on myself, live a positive and make myself better, she doesn’t.

I have sent her a legal letter back in October, she never responded.

I have cried, I have broken down, I have had nightmares, I have felt suicidal at the start, I had not eaten for days. I felt humiliated, haunted by broken dreams, images of WW and AP together, destroyed happy memories of us.

I felt I would never get there….But I did.


It doesn’t matter if she comes back or not anymore. I know that I will be ok. There was life before WW and there will be after.

If she comes back and want’s me back.. Then I can make that decision, do i want her back?

But with all the work I have been doing, I know I can make that decision with confidence and clear thought.


I doubt she has done any form of work on herself, as she’s in the fog with this “man”.

I’m a Man. A good, honest and strong man.

I’m Manta, not perfect or fixed, but I’m mending. I’m getting better.

I will make it through this and I am.