Hi All, I hope to respond to all of your threads soon but here's a quick update from my end:
Jim, I know I often sound pitiful but I actually don't have any interest in talking with my husband or in hearing his voice, especially after the new turmoil he created over the holidays. I called him once since April and aside from that I talk if he asks specifically for me or if there's something important (like asking if he agrees that our daughter will travel overseas). For the cell phone thing it's not radiation but certain phones have a warning that says "chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer or reproductive harm." I assume they have lead or flame retardants or whatever else is toxic. With radiation I already know that my child and many others are getting too much for our adult phones, iPads, etc... I think he should buy her an iPhone with her own line that he pays himself. I'll ask him at some point but I don't really feel like communicating with him at the moment.
Maika, it's intriguing to hear about your thought process on religion and how you've evolved! I wish to write more but I want to address your other point too. I'm completely guilty of feeling negative feelings towards the other woman. I've already known about my husband's character flaws, lies, cheating, etc.. for a time but after the confirmation that this other woman lives in our house I feel acute anger at her. She's a participant in this situation and she's an enabling factor for a man to leave his wife and child. I feel she's just as guilty as he is, and she is a bad human being for moving into someone else's house under these circumstances, using facilities that we designed as a family for our daughter, taking our resources, and the list goes on. I guess I already know how bad my husband is but if there were not an abundance of "other women" and "other men" out there tempting our spouses to leave, and rewarding them for leaving, making them feel they're living their fantasy lives, there'd likely be less of these divorces due to infidelity. I know it's wrong to comment on the other woman as she's only half of the equation, but it's difficult to not feel anger at her living in our dream house that we designed together after struggling for ten years to have the resources to build it. It's also a bold move for her to register it as her legal address when it's a home that I legally own. It's just hard. It's not fair.
Sia, thanks for sharing your thoughts and suggestions. You know I've done things like get my hair highlighted, order books that I want to read, go to bed early some nights to get enough sleep instead of doing other stuff, etc.. I'll try to do more of these things, but my time and budget are already stretched beyond their limits so I need to work on making structural changes such as creating the financial resources to get a nanny and cleaning lady. This probably can't happen until we reach a divorce settlement. For now I have a schedule where I work only six hours during the day and two hours at night so I can spend more time with my daughter but as a trade-off there's less time for myself. Still, together we have many social activities in the evenings that we enjoy together and we spend one-on-one time on the weekends. I'm trying to appreciate these fleeting days to be together before she gets older and more independent. Each day with her is a gift and I had planned to work only part-time for at least several more years. Now that dream is destroyed so I'm trying to appreciate the small amount of time we have. I know someday I'll have all the time in the world for just myself. I'm sure you know the feeling having to work full-time and share your kids with your husband how precious time with our children is. In your case it's great though that you have a little time for yourself, despite having never chosen these circumstances, but I imagine it's the first time in a long time that you're free to discover your own hobbies and care for yourself alone. It'd be great to hear your updates.
All, so I met the guy from the dating app last weekend. He changed the plan the day before and then we met and it was nice. We talked for a few hours. He was respectful but he was much happier about his divorce than I am so I didn't feel we connected well even as friends in that regard. He asked if we could meet for lunch this Friday and I said sure, but I didn't text him after we met. I don't want to date him and I don't want him to think I'm interested. He didn't text me either, so perhaps we'll never speak again which is ok! I don't have any other plans to meet anyone online or use any more dating apps. Maybe someday after divorce I'll try again but I'm not too optimistic based on what I saw.
Yesterday I saw a divorce attorney. I was really disappointed. Just like the other one I saw, this one said that my husband is already paying what he'd owe each month if we were divorced, we don't have any issues surrounding custody, and he can't sell our house without my permission, so she doesn't see any reason why I should file for divorce. She said she recommends just waiting which is what the other attorney said as well. I doubt I'll seek any other legal advice unless necessary after my husband files for divorce because now I've spent over $600 this past year on attorney fees only to be told what's available through online resources.
In general I've felt pretty negative about this situation although on the other hand I had some more recent medical tests that came back good, my career is going well, and I'm thankful for my daughter. I feel now like I understand what happened to my marriage. When my husband is in love with another woman he's totally gone but when it ends he's back. That doesn't mean I'll be able to take him back after the destruction he's caused, nor does it mean he's ever likely to return again now that he's lived this fantasy life and will probably want to re-create it even if it ends with the current woman, plus he may have only ever used me for immigration purposes, but it's somehow helpful to understand how and why someone can change so radically.
