Did her affair come up at all in the MC? What was said about that? Also, did you feel the MC tried not to take sides and was objectively listening to each of you?

Your sitch is still complicated in my opinion because 1. you guys have this long history now of her being abusive and you putting up with it (it's like she knows she can walk all over you and still have you right back) and 2. she is back physically, but not remorseful or "back emotionally" (she hasn't even owned up to having an affair or proved it's over).

In this M, there is no trust, no transparency, and no love. It doesn't even seem like you guys like each other. So my fear is that as time carries on like this, you are creating more hurt and damage, and ultimately you may be done and not want to fix it.

So I am concerned you guys are darned if you do, darned if you don't. I think your best bet, if you want to be with her in any real lasting way, would be to kick her to the curb now. Why? Because she is abusive, she doesn't respect you, and she refused to even look at her problems, own up to them or even want to change. I see you trying to make change and adjustments and that is great. I see your desire and motivation. I think you will grow and benefit from that.

The thing is, to fix a relationship, it takes two people. She is not willing. And she has also learned that she doesn't really need to because you will stay with her regardless. So yeah, she's gotta get out, or maybe you could leave. I am sure you will dismiss me and write me off. But I genuinely think you should change your tune here. If I were you, I would say firmly and lovingly, that I am miserable in this M, that I want a separation, that we both need to heal and grow as individuals, and that possibly in 6 months or 1 year, we could come back together and see if there is a chance. She can scream and cry, hit you over the head with pillows, but so what? What does that proove?

The thing is, Ovr, what other choice do you have? So you continue with all this drama, she acts like a royal bish, and you continue to grow to resent her. You already do. I can tell you resent her more and more as this continues. So eventually, you will get sick of this, leave her, and you won't even want to look back. Why not nip this in the bud now before it's too late?

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela