She has dealt with a lot of pain too. But I completely feel that mine is more valid. Hers was due to her choices. My kid and I were VICTIMS. There is such a difference!!!
Honestly I can't argue with your logic here. What WAS's do is absolutely terrible and borderline inexcusable. But here comes the "but" word.... you are not in her head and she is not in yours. Her pain IS very real to her, very intense, and every bit as bad as what you've been through. She wants sympathy and validation, and she wants it from you. I fully understand why you feel she should be the one validating you, and you're right, she should be. But it goes both ways, you shouldn't expect validation while doing nothing but heaping blame on her (no matter how much she might deserve it). You've wanted to get a lot off your chest and it sounds like you did, and hopefully it makes you feel better. Now I think it would be a good time to apologize to her. I know you're probably thinking "apologize????" Yes, tell her you realize you've been ignoring her feelings while laying yours on her, thank her for listening to you, and tell her that now that you have that out of your system you are more receptive to listening to her. I wish everyone could attend Retrouvaille whether they are married or not because it's a very eye-opening experience. Loving communication comes from sharing feelings completely without judgment. You may think her feelings are right or wrong but it doesn't matter, what matters is they are her feelings and that you acknowledge her feelings whether you agree with them or not.
