Hi Slowly, I swear I can't believe it, Our H's have to be twins....It has taken me 25 years to learn to "listen between the lines" as I call it....meaning that my H has ways of telling me what's important without putting it in plain language....just as you said your H does. I think this must go back to not being permitted to express his feelings and desires as a child....and his parents never did learn to listen between the lines, and therein lies , I believe, a great deal of the underlying "stuff" that's got us into this mess. I believe my H perceives that he would not be a Nice Guy if he really made himself clear about what he wants, expects. In response to this I have begun to do something that goes totally against my grain as a "fixer" and "take-charge" kind of person. I've begun to defer to him....with "what do you think?" etc., and let him make the final decision on things. This is very new and very weird to me....totally Alien....but so far, it seems to work, and strangely enough, he hasnt ever decided on something that I wouldnt have (that will be a challenge to deal with!) I think this is interconnected with my recent realization that when I thought I was being a good helpmate and taking c are of things so he didnt have to be worried or bothered by them, H was interpreting it as not being trusted or seen as capable or needed or wanted.....what a twisted path to slip down in spite of the best of intentions. I don't know if this helps any in your sitch or not, but the more I think about it the more I become convinced it has a huge bearing on mine.
I was thinking about your sitch last night, and how you said you think your H kind of expects to go on with contact w/OW and do as best he can in your R, and that he didn't understand how much this bothers you. I believe my H is exactly the same way, and I am firmly convinced the A will never be over until contact stops. I don't know what to do about it however, as H is in constant phone contact w/her. If you get an tidbits on how to deal with this other than detaching, please let me know!
I do honestly see such huge strides for you though!!!!Things have to be heading your direction fast!.....
