Ah, your description of your triggers I understand a bit better now. I was misunderstanding and thinking they were more along the lines of when you were talking about your R. Physical triggers are very real, I totally understand. I had a few of my own - though W removed them from the house when she moved.
I hear what you're saying about having no one to talk to about it. No one has your experience or perspective, and this is squarely between you and XW to tackle. Aside from the typical suggestions of IC I don't know if any specific resources come to mind that I might suggest. If I think of any I'll certainly pass them along.
I'm not sure if I'm hearing you correctly. It sounds like you're feeling that working on R with XW is too hard, and too draining. You want it to work, but you can't find the resources to help you through the processing of what happened. She can't be that resource because she was A) the one who initiated the triggers and B) Doesn't have your perspective as LBS. MC sounds like a potential good resource, but you two aren't in the space of having that committment.
I see your paradox.
What about writing a list of everything that triggers you, as you identify them? Sometimes for me it's helpful to stare something down in writing and realize "It's just a car. It doesn't feel like it. It has some history. But right now a car is just a car.".
