I can tell you why I gave up on my marriage - hopelessness. Hopelessness that the changes that I need to see in my husband to make me happy as a woman and make me swoon with desire can happen. Because for most married women, desire starts outside of the bedroom. I have to respect you as a man, whatever the criteria it maybe for each individual woman. I lost hope that my husband has the character and strength to make permanent changes in himself. I have convinced myself that based on his actions in the past I am not important to him enough for him to jump through the hoops. I have told him and told him and told him and told him and on and on and on. He would change for a bit, but it would ALWAYS go back to where it started. And it seems to be the running theme here, men don't really listen and take their wives seriously. Like a boss who nods in agreement when you ask for a raise every year, but then nothing happens and years go by. You then loose hope that you are a valued employee and is forced to find another job or quit even though you love your job. I believe that if you really dig deep into your past you will probably remember what your wife "bugged and nagged" you about on the consistent basis. You probably acted as if those things were optional but she was telling you exactly what you need to do that makes her see you as a male PARTNER. .............. How hopeless she must have felt with this marriage to initiate her own self destruction? It is not an impulse. Oh, no. She has been feeling like this is her only option left to shake you up. Like I said, every situation is unique, but it sounds like she is hanging on to the marriage. If everything you say is true, I would assume she is still waiting like me, otherwise she would file a long time ago. Something you are doing or not doing that has yet to convince her that you are the man she wants to grow old with. I only know what my husband needs to do, but every woman has a different love language, like you said. I would probably assume that communication has not been your marriage's strongest point like many, so if I have to give you any point here I would start with improving your interpersonal communication skills. Men seem to struggle in this department. They either passively agree to everything wife says to avoid a conflict and to appear supportive or they stonewall or get defensive and accusatory. Neither approach helps the bedroom situation. One comes off as weak and passive another as an [censored].
Cruising the forums, and I saw this.......and this pretty much fits my sitch to a T.
It’s still hard to not beat myself up over this, though. But I also know that I won’t get anywhere, at all, if I keep looking back at the past.
