I totally get what you are saying and I think in some ways our journeys are somewhat parallel in what happened and how it made us feel. My XH didn't have the addiction issues, but you could substitute his ongoing medical issues that ultimately allowed him to go on disability then use them as a crutch to kind of disconnect from life. It's a long story and maybe I am the only one who sees it, but I do see some commonalities between mine and yours.
While I love the DB forum for the fact that I feel like I learn a lot from reading and occasionally posting, I didn't necessarily feel empowered or even all that helped when I first came here either because it was all about GAL, 180 and reconciliation. I had to let the reconciliation part go, temper the 180 (because I didn't feel like I had necessarily changed a lot and it wasn't so much MY journey that led to my D as it was my XH's journey that led us there), but man I totally focused on GAL. My marriage couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't have been saved and while I know that now, I had doubts of that in the beginning and I think that is why I ended up here to start with. Having said that, though, I do now see that I have gained some actual value from my participation here. I have lived in small towns prior to, during and after my divorce so actual support groups and real people to interact with and lean on are few and far between unless I want to drive 2 hours one way. I do not. So, I sought an online place that would allow me to express my issues and learn and I found that here.
I don't think you should compromise yourself, but absolutely you should continue to explore who you are and where you want to go in your journey. You are driving the ship, so to speak, so it is all about you now. And, that is a good thing!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
