My xh never gave his address. He also lied about his living arrangements until I found out
Best to continue to let go and find your way into a new life slowly but solidly
I love listening to positive speakers on u tube for ideas and direction- meditating daily and journeling helps therapy and supportive woman many woman have been through similar situations and can offer friendship and support
I don't think many a mlcer will find happiness unless they seek inner help- its really the only way many will find other partners to no avail they usually attract someone sicker than them
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Over the last few days, I’ve been a bit ticked off. Maybe this is one of the stages that LBSs have to go through. I’m mad because I don’t really understand why H can’t get his act together. I’m mad because he is in limbo. I’m action oriented, so no action is foreign to me
I was looking through some old e-mails, and came across one from H about 3 weeks before he moved out. It said he was “curious that you never wanted to discuss separation or anything related this weekend? …….also your thoughts on separation? I know you must be thinking of it all. I just wanted to know what's on your mind about it. the purpose of it, etc? I am willing to talk to you about this all. Now I feel like I'm in a bit of limbo.”
This p!ssed me off. Once again, he put his indecision on me. Why can’t HE bring it up? Why doesn’t he want to talk about anything important? Is this perpetual indecision what I’m in for again? Will it linger until I get discussed or pissed off enough and just end it all?
Perhaps. Time will bring clarity. GAL will bring contentment. Continual engagement in my faith will bring peace.
I still don’t want to be divorced, but maybe that is ultimately will be what I NEED.
Time will tell, I guess.
Last edited by job; 01/23/1907:31 PM. Reason: edited language
Short answer...yes...for now anyway. That's why they keep saying this is a marathon and not a sprint. Take the focus off of him and put it back on you. If YOU want a divorce then file. I don't think he is waiting for you to make the decision...at least not consciously. Keep doing what you are doing. Give him the space and time he needs to figure himself out. Give yourself the same. From what I read, it is still early days. (((HUGS)))
I'm rather amused by the MLCers who actually talk. Mine says nothing that is not a lie he is setting up or an insult of some kind. Nothing ever about feelings. He plays everything close to the vest, but oddly likes to find creepy ways to make sure I know where he lives. Not sure what that is about.
You know this, but you have a long, long time to go. If you let these things bother you, it will be painful and keep you stuck. He is stringing you along with the temporary thing. Just accept that he is gone. If he comes around begging to come back in a few years and you are interested in the person in front of you, you can decide whether to take him back or not. But buying into this temporary nonsense will keep you in never-ending pain and you will blow up every time instead of just saying, ok H thanks for letting me know. I don't really know of many folks that don't have at least one false return pretty early on. So even if he does come back soon, expect that he will bolt again. If he doesn't great. Just don't be a walking wound for him.
But buying into this temporary nonsense will keep you in never-ending pain and you will blow up every time instead of just saying, ok H thanks for letting me know.
That's exactly what I wrote back "thanks for letting me know". That was it. I've certainly come a long way in how I respond to H. And now, just a day later, I'm not really bothered by it all except in a fleeting way. So, the setbacks seem fewer and farther between, and not long lasting or intense.
Progress.
And, I'm happy to report I have a packed weekend lined up with various friends and activities, starting Friday night.
I just realized that yesterday was the 1 year "anniversary" I got the call from the OWs husband. H has been a mess ever since. A bit interesting to me that he's the mess, and I'm not. So, got me to thinking he really has been in limbo for a year, not really since he moved out. Probably even before BD. Wow! That's a long time to be in turmoil! I can't fathom why someone would live like that and not do anything about it. Well, not for me to understand, I guess.
At that time, I pursued, pursued, pursued. Really pathetic. He's the one that had the affair! There's been plenty of additional indiscretions too that I since discovered. No wonder he says regularly that he doesn't understand why I would want him.
Why do I?
Well, I have since realized I don't want that former/current person. I want a healed, happy person, and the basics of what I loved from the start are still there.
I just hope I can stay in the marathon to the end, so I can see clearly what the end looks like, and not get lost in the weeds of regret.
You can Grace...and you will for as long as you want. And if you get to a place where you don't want to...that's a bad thing. It means that you will have been successful in saving yourself irrespective of whether or not you R with your WAH. And that, essentially, is the overarching goal of DB. I think you are doing a fantastic job of it and I wish that I was as far along as you in terms of detachment. I am getting there though. Just keep moving forward. There is no deadline on this...not until you make one and only you can make that decision. (((HUGS)))
Thanks Deja for the kind words, and encouragement. I appreciate the support. You too, I believe, are doing a good job in spite of the grenades thrown your way and I can see the growth in you since you arrived. Hugs back!
