So after W left, she called me back. She said that she thought what we had/have is a perspective problem. Neither of us were looking at our problems with the understanding of each other.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
W had a company function today where they apparently were talking about communication. She sent me a pic of one of the slides. I asked her what it was about and she said "We'll talk about it later."
No idea what she's thinking, but at least it looks like she's thinking.
Haven't heard from her tonight. That's probably a good thing.
At this point I would trust her as far as I could pick up a semi-truck and throw it. She has shown no real effort to change. Mac I would stay the course.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
At this point I would trust her as far as I could pick up a semi-truck and throw it. She has shown no real effort to change.
Agreed. The only thing she's shown is a very reluctant willingness to change, but it's not because it's right...it's self-preservation on her part. That's not going to work at all.
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Whatever happened with the talk your W was coming over for?
Well, the first time, she didn't come over, but then she did a day or so later. Basically I sat, listened, validated for a couple of hours. At the end, she asked "So, do you think I've been abusive to you for the last two hours?" to which I replied "No, but you did spend two hours telling me what was wrong with me." She got a bit upset at that and left. She called back about 30 minutes later to, as she put it, "try to end the day on a good note". She pointed out that she (and I) have been arguing for months out of a place of hurt and that we're so focused on what's wrong with the other person that we aren't taking each other into consideration, and she said we needed to work on that. I listened, and just stuck with "I understand what you're saying." Yesterday was the text of the communication chart that actually (and completely unplanned, so that's interesting) backed up the rational behind what she was trying to explain on the phone. Random. She said she'd tell me about it later. Haven't heard back from her since.
She pointed out that she (and I) have been arguing for months out of a place of hurt and that we're so focused on what's wrong with the other person that we aren't taking each other into consideration, and she said we needed to work on that.
Taking away all past actions and ways in which you got to this point - this is a potentially valid point from your W. It would be a good starting point for future R talks, if you head that direction. If you have any R talks, being sure to focus only on how each of you feels/felt hurt. It would be important to gently remind one another that the point of the conversation is not how you feel the other person should change, but identifying what each of you wishes to change in yourselves.
I did agree with her that the point was valid. We have mediation Tuesday, and she's still randomly seeing this one dude as far as I know, so R isn't on the table just yet.
I believe the only reason she's acting this way now is because the D is getting close and my atty has taken steps to make sure she can't pull any more dirty litigation tricks, and she doesn't like that our S will be living with me (even though she says it's ideal and he's currently living with me).
