You and I had QUITE the night! Both of us up in the wee, wee hours. It's 7:24 am out here in California right now....I am always an hour (or is it two) behind the posting times.
I woke up this morning feeling rather worried about my response to you...feeling it may have been too curt or glib. If so, I apologize. And if not, I have still learned that I want to be careful when responding. Not come from my own exhaustion or even project from my own situation. I am sure that is easy to do on this board.
In re-reading the posts I can see that there was so much operating. I do believe you might have wanted to consider where you wanted to take the conversation or what you hoped to accomplish b4 you entered into it. I understand, however, how "these things happen."
I do agree with Sage that your h feels the sword above his head and would add that I imagine his guilt is HUGE these days. His responses demonstrates that to me...his guilt and his FEAR.
DO you have the right to be angry? Yes. You owe it to yourself, and all you have worked to do, to handle your anger effectively and responsibly. I believe he will be ready to handle that with you at the proper time and under safer conditions.
I do wonder whether there were some hidden agendas. I know that I would welcome the kind of progress that you are having. and yet, if h said he were moving back in with me tomorrow or soon....as welcome as that would feel..it would be equally confusing and frightening to me.
I have read on other threads in this forum that it is not uncommon to become impatient just as things are really turning around. I have aslo read that for many of us who have swalllowed our feelings in order to turn everything around, well, these feelings re-surface...and often we are unable to remember our dbing goals and methods. In fact, some question the wisdom of this path altogether.
I do want to hear from you and find out how you are doing and what your thoughts are about how he is responding and how you are handling this. You know that I am thinking of you. My thoughts are with you and you need to know that I support you in feeling whatever those feelings may be.
I also want to help you identify what you now would like to set as your goals. Hopefully, regardless of your feelings, once you know where you want to go and how you want to take care of yourself...it will become easier to ACT in a manner that is consistent with your goals.
