I think we have been telling you for quite sometime now to go dark on exW and just communicate about D4 when necessary. No hanging out, making uncesssesary trip. ect. You haven't actually done it all. Maybe for a day.
Then you post about wanting to ask her for coffee. Then you post about saying you want to tell her "I need this to reconcile, else we are getting a divorce" I don't have enough fingers to count on to tell you how many times we have also told you not to do that. Because 1) it's an ultimatum. And do you want her to act on an ultimatum? That won't show real changes she wants to make. That will show her being afraid of losing her support and faking it. Are you seriously ready to follow through on that ultimatum? She knows what you want/need to reconcile. She is choosing not to do it.
You have to stop trying to force the hand. It will not yield the healthy marriage you desire. It will yield a woman who is sitting pretty not working yet getting fully supported just coming back enough to get what she wants.
I would provide support in the way of what would be ordered by the courts. If you aren't ready to pull the D trigger, atleast consult with a lawyer and get an idea of what you would be paying if you were to D. And pay that amount.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. No matter how you word it, you keep doing the same thing and wanting to do the same things hoping it will give you the result you want.
You are doing good with GAL. You just need to drop that rope with the W already. Freedom from her chains.
