Getting Mixed Signals - New Thread

[Living]

Checking in...

Hello everyone, I have a moment this morning and I thought I’d check in. Sending lots of love and hugs to all of us in this struggle.

There isn’t much to update on my sitch. We are still pretty much going through the motions. Some days are good and some are not so good. There are days when I find myself really angry at my H.

We are still sleeping in separate rooms and we’ve both gotten used to that. It’s funny how just a few months ago and for our entire relationship I couldn’t sleep if he wasn’t in the bed with me. And he couldn’t sleep if I wasn’t there, now it’s seems we are both sleeping just fine without each other. I will admit that there are some nights I miss having him beside me. When I feel this, I usually wake up in the morning angry.

The crazy thing is when I’m angry or just feeling hurt, he notices it. He comes to me and says, I know that there is something on your mind, do you want to talk about it? And I never do.

Over the past few weeks, I feel like I see the old him more often. The person who cared about how I felt. There are some days where he is so sweet to me and he reminds me of the man I married. He’s also gone from talking as if we are over to talking about things in the future. Let me give an example, one of the things that he said to me a couple of months ago when he claimed he wanted out of this marriage was that I talk about things as if we will be together. He said there isn’t going to be a future because I want out. For example I would say next year when we decorate the house for Christmas I’m going to do X differently. He wanted no part of that because in his mind he wanted out and there wouldn’t be an “us” next year.

Now I find that more and more it’s him who is making references to things that will happen in “our” future. I’m not getting my hopes all up but I’m just pointing out that I see this happening.

He’s also started to do some of the things he used to do like gently kiss me in the morning. Or he’ll hold me tightly and let me know how much he loves me. Again, all things he used to do when things were normal.

Now all of this is not to say that things are great because they are not. I mean for Gods sake my husband and I are sleeping in separate rooms. There are some things that are going ok but our marriage is still on life support. There are days when I feel comfortable being patient and standing for my marriage. Then there are days when I say, I should just pull the plug and end this. Normally on the days when I feel like pulling the plug, he does something so sweet that reminds me why I fell in love with him. It’s almost like a divine intervention. Like the high power is trying to tell me something. I don’t know maybe I’m foolish to think that.

Anyway that’s my update. My work is keeping me busy so I’m thankful for that.