13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

A bit of journaling:

So yesterday I went to the house after work. I picked up the kids, and we went for 2 hours of fun filled gymnastics and really had fun. The kids were really happy to see me (haven't seem them since saturday), but it wasn't over the top or anything, it was like picking them up after a day of work, and that calmed me and made me feel good about this, and what they have coming.

After gymnastics, we went to the house, WW had cooked dinner and I participated for the kids sake. She started a lot of small talk about work, things she had experienced and so on. I just smiled, nodded and listened, and talked with the kids without being rude in any way, it actually came pretty natural to me, which I reflected on later in the car. Hurt is moving forward slow and steady.

After dinner I sat on the couch with my kids under a duvet, and just enjoyed a moment of quietness. WW came in and said, that if I wanted to, I didn't have to wait until friday, but I could come again tomorrow - I smiled at her and said "Friday will be fine".

I made the kids ready for bed, and then kissed them goodnight, closed the door, packed my things and headed to my parents place.

I can feel how my emotional need to satisfy, get attention from, and try to mindread my WW is diminishing rapidly, and I think its genuine this time around. It is really hard to describe, but I would say it feels like, I am letting go of the the steering, and stepping out of the car. I dont panic about no longer steering, its actually calming for me. It probably doesn't make sense for the reader, but yea, I am in a good place right now.

I do not want to fool anyone reading this, who is just beginning their journey, or the veterans helping me out. I do, on a daily basis, have to use my stopsign technique to not get run over by emotions, but they last for, what is now maybe 10 seconds and then im over it in my head. When we had the IHS, the thoughts would stick with me for hours at a time.

I hope you all have a great day - I am going to go grab my new gift for my self today, a Callaway GBB Epic Sub Zero Driver for my Portugal trip .