I haven't read all of your thread so I don't really know the history. I will check it out though. Where your head was at for the past seven months sounds like where my H is at now with his constant need to tell me he likes me as a friend. I think he hadn't been so deceitful (fake medical treatments (mostly) for four years with a bit of a break in the third year), he and I would have been like you and your W.
Personally, I think that the best marriages have a solid foundation of friendship and if you can find a way to keep the romance alive, you've got it made. I think the romance part is really about making the effort to show the other person they are special and wanted. Too often when people get married, they just stop making the effort and then five or six years of neglecting the relationship go by and they find themselves wondering if they married the right person. It's more about being the right person than finding the right person and that takes consistent effort and care. I am certainly guilty of relationship neglect as I'm sure most people on this board are as well. Hopefully we have all learned from it.
Re: your STBXW. We have a saying in my field which is "all behaviour has meaning" and that you should always pay more attention to what people do than what they say. Sounds to me like your STBXW may be having some of the same feelings you are having and is doing some temperature checking. I don't think you necessarily have to do anything right now other than continue with self improvement. You can put up boundaries if you are sure that is what you want or you can take some time to see if she starts to temp check more and then decide. You could also even just say to her at some point... "Hey, I notice that you are around more than usual. Is everything okay with you?" Kind of a casual, caring, non-committal question that opens the door for her to tell you if she is having second thoughts. She might go there or she may be too scared of being rejected. Who knows? The question is... do you want to know?
Look... I don't think this is a backslide on your part. To me, it is just an indication that you are human, that you loved your W deeply once and that you are still able to see her and remember all of the good things about her. Dreams are interesting. Sometimes I think they are just dreams but sometimes I think they are our subconscious thoughts trying to get our attention.
Also...all of us came to this board and stayed here because we are the type of people who believe in marriage and honour our commitments and recognize that nothing worth having comes easily. We all, at some point, wanted to save our marriages and most of us would take a second chance to R if it was offered to us. Just because you aren't feeling desperate and overwhelmingly sad like you were in the beginning, doesn't mean you have completely shut the door on R if the opportunity is there and your W is willing to do the work. If I were you, I would take some time and step back from dating for a bit until I had this part figured out. But that's me... you have to do what is right for you.
