She has a list apparently that she must look at often on reasons why she is done with me.
Address anything on "The List" that you believe will make you a better person. Don't worry about the rest.
I hear you, bubbs. My W had a mental ‘list’ of things that she was unhappy with.
Don’t get me wrong—some have merit, and some are useful for me doing 180s on, and the same will be for you, too. I agree with R2C—if it will truly make you a better person, then do it.
What I struggle with periodically (and most of us probably do so at first, too, if we’re being honest), is doing it FOR the WAS. If they notice, great I guess, and if it changes their mind long-term, better. My W would every so often tell me that I haven’t improved; sometimes it’s a valid statement (who doesn’t backslide every now and then?), but be careful because for a WAS, almost nothing you do in the immediate term will be good enough, so be at peace with that and guard yourself.
But if it changes anything for the WAS, it will take time. It will take time for you too, but the payoff and the self-feedback will be much more immediate, longer-lasting, and sustainable in the long-term.
