yes - it’s dark and scary but remember, your W may have put you in that hole, but you have the strength and the resouces to find your way out. I don’t even think it is her pulling you back in anymore - it is you. You fear the unknown more than you dislike the hole you are in. You fear not wanting to be with her because once you let go, who will fight for your marriage. But your marriage is over. Go through the proceedings as if it were just another business transaction (efficiently and with as little emotion as possible) and then throw yourself, I mean try to fully commit, into everything else. Without wanting to sound evangelical (because I think we all know I am not), step into the light B.
Let her go.
When my kids were little whenever they fell down (and if it wasn’t serious) I’d pick them up and we would do the shake it off dance. They’d look at me like I was crazy, but eventually we would all end up giggling and shaking like, well, like we were crazy. That’s what GAL is. At first, it might seem mad (mum, stop it, my arm/leg/side hurts) but eventually the shaking distracts from the pain and becomes fun. You make the effort and one day you realise it doesn’t take effort ... instead of getting a life ... you have a life.
I know it’s hard. I’m over a year in and I still have days when I want to cry or scream at him. Take me back, what’s wrong with me, I hate you, how could you do this to US !!!. But i know these are transitory and they will pass. I also know they have more to do with me than him. If I’m lonely then I am more susceptible. If I’m stressed (work/kids) then I am more susceptible. If I think my kids are suffering, then I am more susceptible. I control my moods. So do you.
You are neither a victim or 100% responsible for the breakdown of your marriage. Now go find your b@lls. They’re hidden somewhere under that resentment and feelings of self hate. Forgive her. Forgive yourself., once you do the work, you will realise what we all realise. You are a good man capable of being so much more than he thinks.
