burned again

[burned]

The A is not the way out and that is very hurtful and wrong.

But, I would just take the focus off of her and see what you can do for yourself to grow. I think your admissions are actually honorable, most men stay in denial, like my ex, or just don't see it, but you do. You really have that going for you. This could change your life and future for the better.

Ginger (and TJT, and everyone else actually), I want you to know that you're really helping me. I mean it. It's solid-gold advice and I'm glad you're here providing it. I lash out, and I get defensive, and that means that you're hitting me where I need to be hit. But dear lord does it hurt. I flip back and forth on everything. Blame myself, I'm the worst ever! Blame her, she's the worst ever! Neither is true.

I don't think there's anyone except you all here who understand the gruesome, vomit-inducing pain that goes with the feeling of "If only I had one more chance." It's grief like I've never felt before. I know people here say "There might be one more chance" but I've given up entirely on that kind of hope. She isn't part of my life anymore. We're just sorting out the pieces so that we can both leave each other alone.

Unfortunately, the misery wont end just because the marriage will. It's up to you to take control of your own happiness and your own self. I feel like I already know the answer....but how is your GAL going?

It's not going. You know me too well.

I'm in a really bad place right now. It's dark here, and scary. And I've fallen back on my old coping strategy, which is..."complain about it enough and see if someone else will fix it for you."

Nope. It's up to me now.

Sound familiar? Sigh...try again, Burned, never stop trying.