Just journaling. I know im way behind on being over my ex. Im surviving divorce. Just not thriving. You guys are just way ahead of me. Im not indifferent.
I think my anger stems from 1. He did a lot of stuff that someone should be angry at 2. It prevents me from feeling that deep pain of rejection, discardment, not being loved. Like logically, whi cares about not being loved by someone that did and does such horrible things.
Hes taking son away with his girlfriend and her young child. Upsetting, cause i was the one that always wanted to take trips. He would never have money to go, and i would end up paying to get him to go. When we went, it wasnt even fun cause i would have to wait hours for him to get ready, we would get to places late which is a waste of money. He would disappear all the time. I did all the packing and preparing. (For thisbtrip i will once again be doing the packing, as he does nit really have clothes for son)
My narrative was that ex was headed down for a trip to rock bottom. That drugs and alcohol were his demon and mistress. He had taken so much out of his IRA, had tons of cc debt,. But He has a girlfriend (probably younger cause she has a young child) and is going away places. How can that be?
This hurts me tremendously. He does not hurt. He did not have feelings for me enough to hurt, yet i obviously had them for him. Thats painful. And im having troublenunderatanding how i could have feelings, when he was so bad. He lied and squandered our finances. Will he do that with girlfriend as well?
As I took a few minutes this morning to go back nd re-read some posts on the board, as I do from time to time, this one struck me. I remember reading it when you first posted it and I meant to comment then and I obviously got side-tracked and didn't. But, you say you are "way behind" on getting over your ex. I don't think you are, though. EVERYONE gets over things at their own rate and when the time is right, you just won't feel things anymore. I totally identify with your situation in a lot of ways because my XH just walked away and never looked back and moved to D and then on to his new wife REAL quickly. In the span of less than 5 months, I went from married to separated to divorced to facing an XH with a new, serious, live-in girlfriend. I felt a lot of the same anger and feelings that you feel. While I survived and I'm thriving now, there was a period in time when all I truly wanted in this world was for his sorry @ss to burn in h3ll. I still hope the karma bus runs him smack over in the middle of the street then backs up and runs over him again for good measure, but I just don't dwell on it anymore. I have found my own things to worry with and someone who couldn't even be bothered to have an actual discussion with me about the ending of our marriage is NOT one of those things that I am going to waste my valuable time on.
You should totally feel all those feelings you feel and I thik, in time, you will find that those feelings lessen until you get to this point of indifference, for lack of a better word. If it weren't for my children and the thought that I would hate for them to deal with losing their father, I honestly wouldn't give a d@mn if he was even still on the planet.
Hang in there, juju, and keep on keeping on.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
