Instead of current version of W who tells me that she doesn’t want to be my wife, whatever the next steps are (MR 2.0, or someone else in time), I just know that I want to have a woman as my wife, who is proud to be my wife. I just know and believe that she is out there, and I want to be the man that she needs, wants and deserves, whoever she is, wherever she is.
First focus on Bo. Bo needs to be happy by himself. Bo needs to learn to love himself, and be comfortable with being alone in the world. He needs to learn to be alone without being lonely. If this M doesn't last, then commit to spending 6 months or a year just exploring who you are as a person. Because wife number 2 is probably not going to be substantially different than wife number 1. She will be better in some areas and worse in others. She too will have the potential to be a WAS, so you need to be well-equipped to work hard on your next M to keep her as happy as you reasonably can. Don't be too attached or codependent. Give her time and space when she needs it and care and attention when she needs that. And she might walk at some point anyway, so you need to prepare yourself for that possibility. I'm just giving you a little reality check because I think you're starting to fall in love with a fantasy woman and fantasy marriage much like WAS's do. "Chasing the white rabbit" if you will. You've done a lot of work already, keep at it! That's your path to recovery.
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What I want / need / deserve is a wife.
"Want" is fine because that means you are happy whether you have a wife or not. "Need" is unhealthy, if you need a wife then you are codependent. "Deserve"? I don't really like that word in this context, because a strong relationship is the direct result of hard work and no one is entitled to have that without putting the work in.
