Well I also believe that any manufactured call for rescue would be a mistake. My h is rather schizoid in his response to my calls for help. He resents any gender based assumptions about tasks and he seems to resent any expectation that he become a rescuer. At the same time, he jumps at any opportunity to rescue any friend or stranger that calls with a computer problem, etc.
As far as including him in decision making, he seems to run hot and cold on whether or not I should simply decide things on my own.
What I have come to accept is that he wants to help ONLY when I am not truly NEEDING the help!!?? It is very confusing but that seems to be the reality. Also, when he sees me attempt a task...putting up a shelf, or starting the barbeque...he will jump in to complete it. But if I first ask, well then he will sit on the request.
SO it would NOT be helpful to me to pretend to be helpless. What works for me is to validate the support that I get and state that it feels good to know that I can rely on him should I need his help. He really responds to that.
I think there are ways in which we can acknowledge and validate our RELIANCE on their partnership or presence that may be as beneficial as actually calling on them for help.
