W was chatting me up after I put YS to bed tonight. Talking to me about a friend of hers who will be getting up-close with the Pope during the next upcoming World Youth Day, and how YS is feeling better (he was sick most of this long weekend).
Trying to keep responses friendly, validating, but minimal.
On one level, I should probably work on a friendship with her, but....I’m really not all that interesting in having her as a female friend. Been there, done that, during the early stages of our relationship.
I have and have had female friends, and I’m sure I can find more if I really want to. Was never really a problem in the past (though, to be fair, I wonder if that was the problem in my younger young-adult years—got friend-zoned a bit too much, but to be fair I did a good amount of friend-zoning too).
What I want / need / deserve is a wife. And more than that, I want to be married to a woman—not a girl.
One of the things that initially attracted me to W was that she seemed not like a lot of the other woman that I’ve come across or pursued before—a number of them had very romanticized or Disney-fied ideas of love, marriage and relationships, and I just got sick of that—I wanted someone different, and I thought W was that woman.
I’ll admit that I’ve not always been the man that she wants, needs or deserves—but I’m looking to change that, and a lot of that starts with my mental attitude (PMA, eliminating NGS tendencies where I can).
Instead of current version of W who tells me that she doesn’t want to be my wife, whatever the next steps are (MR 2.0, or someone else in time), I just know that I want to have a woman as my wife, who is proud to be my wife. I just know and believe that she is out there, and I want to be the man that she needs, wants and deserves, whoever she is, wherever she is.
