Gordie 23 one year after she dropped the D

[Rita]

Gordie, I have been thinking about you, praying for you, wondering about you. I am happy to see you posting.

I am not happy to hear about how much W criticizes you. For some reason the idea that she sits at the dinner table and criticizes a meal you made was to me worse than the other things. A man cooking me a meal is a dream I cannot imagine ever coming true.

Her continuing to criticize you breaks my heart because you are one of the best men in the world.

But I understand that the scales have not come off her eyes yet, and that it will take a long time. I love your patience.

I am not sure I understand why you are having relationship talks. From the outside it seems like she is not herself yet. But I guess you are just trying to listen. Are you afraid that if you don't listen, she will run again?

I wonder what Job has to say about this. I am wanting you to have a boundary --e.g., when my H tries to criticize me, I usually leave the room after letting one or two go by. But I have never been in that stage you are in now, where there is a return. Seems like her return is still in the stage of trying to change you. Maybe you can't have a boundary now or don't feel like you need one.

I don't know if you read the e-mail I posted from my H; it got a lot of comments as it was very abusive. But nothing unusual since BD3. I was actually kind of surprised that it got so much attention on these boards as I have posted his e-mails before. And because I thought all of us had the same kind of e-mails or comments or diatribes from our spouses. I didn't think mine was that unusual. I remembered what you said about possible replies when I asked you once. I am thinking about that in the context of your W. I guess you are giving those sorts of replies.

I hope that most of all, when she criticizes you, that you have your eyes on Christ. Sometimes I pretend He is sitting on the ledge of the window, looking in at me when my H is being horrible. In the past, when my H would be in the car with us, I would picture Christ running alongside the car or sitting on top of the hood. It's a little like the mini Gordie, DnJ and Job on my mantle, but... Well, it's CHRIST! This helps me to keep my eyes on God's love, goodness, compassion, mercy and off of the ridiculous and hurtful words coming out of my H's mouth. Maybe you can try that. Maybe you are already trying that.

Gordie, I am sending you many prayers. I am happy to "see" you.